某校有女同学抱怨,男生对她好,都是为了想上她。她闺蜜说,男生每个月生活费1000块,大部分都给女孩买衣服,化妆品,买礼物,回头只能吃泡面,榨菜,你总得让她尝几次肉吧!啊,多明事理啊!

昨天老王在网上约了个妹纸,聊了几句相谈甚欢。 妹纸突然约老王去她家,老王说那你老公突然回来咋办,她说没事,一般不会突然回来,万一要回来了你就说你是我雇来擦玻璃的,快过年了, 我老公也不会怀疑。 结果,在她家没呆几分钟,她老公就回来了,为了装的逼真老王擦了一下午玻璃。 回家的路上老王越想越不对劲,城市的套路太深了。

老婆:亲爱的,如果有一天你失去了我,你会有什么感受? 我:嗯。。。就像炒菜没有了盐! 老婆:你是说失去了我生活会索然无味吗? 我:小笨蛋,我的意思是我会去再买一包! 老婆。。。

新冠疫情的影响,今年钱不太好挣,我现在也尝试做滴滴司机了。 今早出门和老婆顺路接了一个坐滴滴顺风车的女孩,一路无语,老婆到单位先下车走了。 车上那个女孩随口问:“刚刚那个女的怎么没给钱呢?”我说:“哦,她昨晚睡我家,这个星期的车费就免啦。”女孩沉静片刻后小声说:“我今晚也有空…昨整,这活接不接?接了,腰疼,不接,心疼。

晚上,老公准备睡觉,刚上床就喊起来:老婆,昨晚儿子尿床了,叫你早上把被子拿出去晒的。 老婆:是啊,我晒了啊…… 老公:奇怪,今天天气这么好,被子都没有晒干啊?你放哪晒的啊? 老婆:哦,放在朋友圈啊!

昨晚,警察在酒店停车场出口准备抓酒驾。这时,出来一个中年男子,摇摇晃晃走向自己 的车。警察盯着他,看他开车门,上车都显得很吃力,看来是没少喝。过了许久,停车场的车都走完了,中年人才慢慢开车出来,警察过去拦车测酒精含量,奇怪竞然没喝酒,警察大怒那你干嘛走路摇晃?中年人:今天我的任务是负责吸引警察,掩护其他酒友撤退。

有一次老公开好房间等我 ,我到了门外想逗逗他,就在门外小声的叫:306,你叫的小姐来了,开门! 谁料隔壁的门打开了,一个男的出来对我说:等会儿完事了到我这边来一下啊!

现在骗子真多,刚刚又看到新闻上说储户存款消失,几十万不翼而飞,我赶紧骑白行车到银行查看,卡里的20块钱还在,吓死我了,以后再也不看新闻了,心好 累,走出银行心更累了,钱还在,自行车不见了,暑假自驾游暂时取消吧。还是买个地球仪,世界这么大,不但可以看看,还可以转转。

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